A Swedish newspaper infiltrated a bestiality ring that consisted of about 30 participants. After confronting the main mule humper over the mistreatment of animals, bestiality man responded: “Any of the times I did anything with her she was the one who backed into me and provoked it. She was in heat and made herself available. There were also times later when she didn’t want to and then I backed out immediately,” he told Expressen.

In other words, the bitch had it coming.

When Agriculture Minister Eskil Erlandsson was confronted, he could only offer up only this bizarre explanation as to why there aren’t bestiality laws currently in place: “Is it, and should it be, legal to spread something on the genitalia that might smell or taste nice to a dog, in order to allow the dog to lick off whatever is spread on the genitalia? “Should it be permitted to stroke a bitch’s teats with love, or should it be classified as animal sexual abuse?” the minister wondered.

If you have to seriously contemplate whether it should be legal or illegal to spread something on your genitalia so a dog can make your private area its own personal buffet, then here’s a bullet and a gun, lock and load, you sick bastard. Remember, playing frisbee with your dog is exercise, it isn’t foreplay.